Well I'm knee deep in the thicket of my final year of college, and I'm just starting to grow weary. I'm told that I'm supposed to really enjoy college and I did at first. Everything was fresh and new, friends, teachers, actually feeling like a real person for the first time in years. That might sound a bit dramatic, but I mean in a sense that in public school you have no rights, and your opinions don't matter. College is more like fraternizing with equals. Anyway, friends have petered down and the after-glow of being a straight-A student is beginning to fade. I'm tiring of the papers, the tests, the nights of stress over studies that have nothing to do with my actual profession. That being said, the only time I feel an overwhelming sense of pride, or joy in what I'm doing are my design classes, which keep me going. I love to draw and design, thats my purpose, and i guess I'm just starting to get tired of waiting to get there.

My peers and family continue to tell me that this is the high point of my life, but I just don't want to believe it. I feel like actually working, truly making something of myself will leave me more contented. If this is the high point then, well I'm not looking forward to my life down the road. I mean, I've never been more isolated, mentally and spiritually than I am now. My acquaintances in my current college are estranged, my real friends from my old college I never get to see, I rarely get to hang out with family, hell I barely see my mom and she lives with me(This is all due to schoolwork and tests). It's so strange to feel so lonely when there are so many people around you who love and care for you. You start to lose sight of your goals, like staggering blindly through a dark cave unable to see the exit. But I just keep reassuring myself to "keep at it", It'll end sooner than I think and I will enjoy being free from such grunt work. Granted i don't expect my first job to be sunshine and gumdrops, but certainly something that fills me with a feeling of actually accomplishing SOMETHING worthwhile.

Anyway, thats enough of that, I really just needed to vent so my inner monologue so I'd feel better and i do. Not that anyone really reads these, which is kind of what I'm banking on. I've been working on a doodle here and there, and am improving stylistically, I think...I've also come up with some new,interesting concepts for characters and worlds which I'm sure have pushed some crucial test info out of my head. So, yeah...I'll be back most likely on thanksgiving break...maybe with some schoolwork to post.

Musing Philosophically,
Aaronthewolf